............... 


a&HOLE*** 


4    i  . 

it,  ':•'' 


rr.V-V 


PETER  NEWELL 


i  >> 


W$t  Utorarp 

of  Hjc 

^moerSttp  of  J^ortf)  Carolina 


UNIVERSITY  OF  N.C.  AT  CHAPEL  HILL 


Carnegie  Corporation  Jfuna 

for 

Snsitructton  in  Htbrariansfnp 


00022226832 


JE 

N 

This  BOOK  may  be  kept  out  TWO  WEEKS 

ONLY,    and    is    subject    to    a    fine    of    FIVE 
CENTS  a  day  thereafter.    It  was  taken  out  on 

T] 

CA 

the  day  indicated  below: 

Lib.  10M-N  '37 

UDrnry 

Digitized  by  the  Internet  Archive 

in  2012  with  funding  from 

University  of  North  Carolina  at  Chapel  Hill 


http://www.archive.org/details/holebookOOnewell 


THE  HOLE  BOOK 

By  PETER   NEWELL 


HARPER  &  BROTHERS 

NEW  YORK 


Copyright,  1908,  by  Harper  &  Brothers. 


THE    HOLE    BOOK 


Tom  Potts  was  fooling  with  a  g«n 

(Such  follies  should  not  be), 
When — bang!  the  pesky  thing  went  off 

Most  unexpectedly  ! 

Tom  didn't  know  'twas  loaded,  and 
It  scared  him  'most  to  death — 

He  tumbled  flat  upon  the  floor 
And  fairly  gasped  for  breath. 

The  bullet  smashed  a  fine  French  clock 
(The  clock  had  just  struck  three), 

Then  made  a  hole  clean  through  the  wall, 
As  you  can  plainly  see. 


Out  in  the  kitchen  Bridget  Quinn 

Was  busying  about, 
When  through  the  boiler  crashed  the  shot 

And  let  the  water  out! 


't 


The  floor  was  flooded  like  a  pond, 
The  room  was  filled  with  steam, 

And  Bridget  gathered  up  her  skirts 
And  rushed  out  with  a  scream. 


Oat  in  the  back  yard  Sister  Sue, 

With  "  Sis  "  and  Mabel  Dunn, 
Was  swinging  underneath  the  trees, 

And  having  lots  of  fun,— 

@, 

When — zip !  the  speeding  bullet  sang, 

And  cut  the  rope  in  two, 
Then  hurtled  through  the  high  board  fence, 

And  to  the  ground  came  Sue ! 


Just  then  an  automobile  passed, 

Its  body  painted  green — 
The  bullet  struck  its  side  and  pierced 

The  tank  of  gasolene. 


6 


A  loud  explosion  followed  and 
A  tremor  shook  the  air ! 

The  passengers  were  tossed  aloft 
Amidst  the  smoke  and  glare ! 


a^ 


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An  artist  in  a  studio, 

Who  had  a  medal  won, 
Was  painting  on  "  A  Laughing  Boy," 

Which  work  was  all  but  done : 

@ 

The  ball  of  lead  this  picture  smote, 
As  through  the  room  it  ranged, 

And  through  the  canvas  bored  its  way* 
And  the  expression  changed ! 


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Old  Granny  Fink  was  sound  asleep- 
As  sound  as  one  could  wish ; 

Beside  her  an  aquarium 

Was  standing,  stocked  with  fish: 


6 


The  bullet  struck  the  crystal  globe, 
And  roused  her  from  her  nap — 

And  Granny  found  that  she  was  drenched, 
With  goldfish  in  her  lap! 


A  lady  came  into  a  store 
Where  animals  were  sold, 

To  buy  a  parrot  with  a  tongue 
That  wouldn't  swear  or  scold ; 


But  as  she  talked  about  the  bird 

And  asked  about  the  price, 
The  bullet  plunged  clean  through  a  boK 

And  freed  a  lot  of  mice ! 


Old  Hagenschmit,  behind  his  house, 
His  new  Dutch  pipe  was  trying, 

When — bing!  the  bullet  smashed  the  bowl 
And  sent  the  pieces  flying! 


f" 


"  Who  put  dot  bombshell  in  my  pipe  ?** 
Exclaimed  the  startled  smoker. 

"  If  I  could  git  my  hands  on  him, 
Dere  would  be  vone  less  joker ¥' 


A  pear-tree,  seen  above  the  wall, 
With  fruit  was  laden  down, 

And  Ned,  below,  appeared  to  be 
The  saddest  boy  in  town? 


<? 


Just  then  the  restless  bullet  passed? 

And  clipped  a  branching  limb 
Which  bore  a  dozen  pears  or  more 

And  passed  it  down  to  him  I 


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X 


G.  Foozleman,  in  high  silk  hat. 
Along  the  street  was  trailing, 

When  through  the  crown  the  bullet  sped 
And  sent  his  hat  a-sailing! 


<§ 


What  do  you  mean,  sir,"  blurted  he, 
To  Harvey  Jones,  behind  him. 
By  knocking  off  my  high  silk  hat?" 
But  Harvey  didn't  mind  him. 


Dick  Bumble,  with  a  bag  of  grain, 
Was  going  out  to  grind  it, 

When  through  the  bag  the  ballet  tore 
And  left  a  hole  behind  it! 


I 


Dick  neither  knew  the  bag  was  pinked, 

Nor  that  a  hole  was  in  it, 
And  wondered  why  the  load  he  bore 

Grew  lighter  every  minute. 


Tim  Nickleby  had  hooked  a  fish, 

And  was  about  to  land  it, 
When — snap!  his  fish-pole  broke  in  two-= 

He  couldn't  understand  it* 


Of  course  the  bullet  did  the  trick; — 
It  would  have  been  more  thrilling 

If  it  had  punctured  Timothy, 
Who  was  in  need  of  drilling. 


A  restless  wild-cat  had  escaped, 
And  roamed  the  gardens  free; 

The  keeper,  frightened  at  the  sight, 
Had  climbed  a  lofty  tree: 


The  savage  brute  espied  him  there, 
And  with  an  agile  bound, 

It  met  the  bullet  in  the  air, 
And  tumbled  to  the  ground! 


A  watermelon,  large  and  fine, 
Was  in  the  kitchen  shed; 

The  bullet  drilled  a  hole  through  it 
As  on  its  way  it  sped. 


"Who  plugged  dat  melon?"  mammy  cried. 
As  through  the  door  she  came. 

*'  I'd  spank  de  chile  dat  done  dat  trick, 
Ef  I  could  learn  his  name." 


A  vender  of  balloons,  a  chap 

In  Russia  born  and  bred, 
Came  ambling  through  the  dusty  street, 

His  wares  above  his  head. 


t 


**  Balloons  I    Balloons!    Who  vants  to  buy?" 

He  shrilly  cried.     **  I  say — " 
Just  then  his  enterprise  collapsed — 

The  shot  had  come  that  way. 


A  German  band  was  on  parade, 

And  all  the  district  knew  it, 
When — boom!  the  bass-drum  sounded  out — 

The  shot  had  gone  clean  through  it! 


i 


The  leader  turned  about  in  ire, 

And  pointing  at  the  drummer, 
Exclaimed :  **  You  sthart  too  soon,  my  friendt- 

You  make  a  better  plumber!" 


Mis'  Silverman  had  built  a  fire 

And  shovelled  on  some  coal, 
When  through  the  stove-pipe  crashed  the  shot 

And  made  a  gaping  hole! 

ct 

The  smoke  in  murky  columns  rose, 

The  lady  raised  a  shout; 
Then  on  the  scene  the  tiremen  came, 

And  put  the  lady  out! 


A  cat  espied  a  tiny  mouse, 

And  crouched  to  make  a  spring? 

The  mousey  couldn't  find  a  place 
In  which  to  hide — poor  thing! 


Just  then  the  bullet  made  a  hole — 

A  fair-sized  hole  at  that — 
And  in  it  dashed  the  frightened  mouse, 

And  thus  escaped  the  cat. 


A  thief  was  stealing  in  the  door- 
A  clever  chap  was  he; 

For  he  had  waited  till  the  gong 
Had  summoned  all  to  tea. 


But  at  that  moment  came  the  shot, 
And  smote  the  door-bell  clear — 

The  butler  reached  the  door  in  time 
To  see  him  disappear! 


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Old  Sandy,  on  his  Highland  pipes, 
Was  drooning  "  Robin  Hood," 

And  coaxing  from  the  boys  and  girls 
Such  pennies  as  he  could, — 


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When  suddenly  the  bag  went  "  squash!' 

The  drone  became  a  sigh — 
The  fleeting  shot  had  pierced  the  bag 

Of  wind  in  passing  by  I 


For  some  excitement,  good  and  hot, 

These  lads  were  fairly  spoiling, 
When  through  the  bee-hive  planked  the  shot, 

And  set  the  pot  a-boiling! 


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The  startled  swarm  came  streaming  oat 

In  temper  hot  and  banetal, 
And  drove  the  foe  in  awfal  roat, 

With  volleys  sharp  and  painfull 


When  Felix  Fenno  flew  his  kite, 
He  found  his  hands  were  full; 

It  seemed  determined  to  escape. 
So  strongly  did  it  pull. 


But  presently  the  whizzing  shot 
The  kite-string  neatly  parted, 

And,  like  an  air-ship  on  a  cruise, 
His  precious  kite  departed  1 


The  grocer  boy  was  teasing  Snip 

By  pelting  him  with  rice, 
And  keeping  just  beyond  his  reach— 

Which  wasn't  very  nice. 


Just  then  the  bullet  clipped  the  chain 
That  held  the  pop,  and — joy ! 

He  fairly  sprinted  through  the  air, 
And  nabbed  that  grocer  boy! 


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Mis'  Newlywed  had  made  a  cake, 
With  icings  good  and  stout — 

The  bullet  struck  its  armor  belt, 
And  meekly  flattened  out. 


; 


And  this  was  lucky  for  Tom  Potts, 
The  boy  who  fired  the  shot — 

It  might  have  gone  clean  round  the  world 
And  killed  him  on  the  spot. 


